2008 Woodie Awards
Lex and the City: A big mouth
Markheavens Tshuma
Issue date: 4/3/07 Section: Distractions
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So I hate to be the insensitive guy who opens with news about the upcoming trial, although I know we're all talking about it secretly- I just don't feel like I should mention it in my first paragraph… its wrong. So instead, I will talk around the subject for a while and then get to my point as to not be an uncaring columnist.
So I realized that I am one step away from being prophetic- as in, if we were in Bible times, there would be a book named after me soon. Let me tell you why, without sounding too sacrilegious. Last Monday, I turned in my Lex and the City and what was it about? Cheating. A day later, what is announced via campus wide email from President K. Ruscio? Someone was cheating. I forecasted. I foreshadowed. I saw it in the stars. From now on, I will be careful what I write about because you never know… it might happen.
Which brings me to my concern about the impending trial. People say retarded things. I'm not going to call anyone out in particular, but if you happened to be getting hot wings in D-Hall at the same time I was some time in the last week, then this was probably you. "Oh my god, like, this trial is gonna be so cool. We've been waiting for this for like 13 years." And I was like… really? Because you're only 18 years old, 19 at the most, and I'm pretty sure 13 years ago, you didn't know how to tie your own shoes, let alone understand what the Honor System is. I was disappointed in W&L students for a second there. Until I thought about how I could tie that stupid assertion into this weeks Lex and the City. When it comes to relationships, what stupid things do people stupidly say?
This is one of those questions that could be answered several ways, so I'm foreseeing a two-parter here… again, another prophecy. Today, however, I feel the need to discuss something that happens way to often on this campus. So I am forsaking the usual countdown and I'm going to focus on one subject.
A friend of mine is pissed. Let me break it down for you. You hook up with someone… that's cool. You do the whole sketchy makeout in the Chi Psi basement at Late Nite thing- whatever. You invite them back to the BDG quad, or as some people like to say BGD… I don't know which is right. Moving on, you tell them you have ramen, they get excited, ya'll head back to your room and it's all the same old story. Then they wake up and do the walk of shame across the quad dressed in their mixer outfit… everyone and their grandma knows you hooked up. It's ok. You have no shame. Until you get to brunch and the person you hooked up with is sitting there with all their friends and the table suddenly gets eerily quite. Ladies and Gentlemen, this awkward kiss and tell business is unacceptable. Stupid thing to say number 1: "I hit that last night… it was awesome… wait, here she comes." Unacceptable.
So I realized that I am one step away from being prophetic- as in, if we were in Bible times, there would be a book named after me soon. Let me tell you why, without sounding too sacrilegious. Last Monday, I turned in my Lex and the City and what was it about? Cheating. A day later, what is announced via campus wide email from President K. Ruscio? Someone was cheating. I forecasted. I foreshadowed. I saw it in the stars. From now on, I will be careful what I write about because you never know… it might happen.
Which brings me to my concern about the impending trial. People say retarded things. I'm not going to call anyone out in particular, but if you happened to be getting hot wings in D-Hall at the same time I was some time in the last week, then this was probably you. "Oh my god, like, this trial is gonna be so cool. We've been waiting for this for like 13 years." And I was like… really? Because you're only 18 years old, 19 at the most, and I'm pretty sure 13 years ago, you didn't know how to tie your own shoes, let alone understand what the Honor System is. I was disappointed in W&L students for a second there. Until I thought about how I could tie that stupid assertion into this weeks Lex and the City. When it comes to relationships, what stupid things do people stupidly say?
This is one of those questions that could be answered several ways, so I'm foreseeing a two-parter here… again, another prophecy. Today, however, I feel the need to discuss something that happens way to often on this campus. So I am forsaking the usual countdown and I'm going to focus on one subject.
A friend of mine is pissed. Let me break it down for you. You hook up with someone… that's cool. You do the whole sketchy makeout in the Chi Psi basement at Late Nite thing- whatever. You invite them back to the BDG quad, or as some people like to say BGD… I don't know which is right. Moving on, you tell them you have ramen, they get excited, ya'll head back to your room and it's all the same old story. Then they wake up and do the walk of shame across the quad dressed in their mixer outfit… everyone and their grandma knows you hooked up. It's ok. You have no shame. Until you get to brunch and the person you hooked up with is sitting there with all their friends and the table suddenly gets eerily quite. Ladies and Gentlemen, this awkward kiss and tell business is unacceptable. Stupid thing to say number 1: "I hit that last night… it was awesome… wait, here she comes." Unacceptable.
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