2008 Woodie Awards
Locke and the Bear: Drip, drip, there goes an eargasm
Peter Locke and Phil Broderick
Issue date: 3/21/07 Section: Back Page
There are multiple orifices acceptable for…we can't go down this road. Anyhoo, the title of our article has only a cursory relationship to what we wish to talk about. Nevertheless, we find that when we have an attractive article title (or a dirty or controversial one) we end up higher on the list of "Most Popular Articles" in the Trident's online edition. Not only are we vain, but we are willing to sacrifice our integrity for ratings. Now, having said this, and both of us not having jobs, does this not highly recommend us to the world of reality TV?
Speaking of the Trident's online edition…nobody ever comments on any of our articles, or sends us any emails. We have egos, and they need your sweet stroking. So what we've decided to do is give you, THE READER, an opportunity to participate in the creative process. Locke had this cockamamie idea that we should have an article-off with the Raging Intellectuals to determine whose kick-ass writing abilities kick more ass…at writing. Clearly, ours are superior given our wide range of vocabulary when it concerns ass-kicking, or the kicking of asses. Chew on that!
We'll let you relax after that mind-numbing eye-gasm, but not so long as to forget our purpose: we want you to come up with a topic for both us and the Ragers to expound upon in print. You give us the idea, we'll decide the best topic, both teams will write about it, and you will vote on the Grand Weiner, that is, the winner. Feel free to post ideas on the message board, or email any of the 4 of us. Granted, we're going to have to wait for the terrible (sorry, "awesome") people bracket to play out, so that should give you plenty of time to come up with at least one good topic beyond: "What's the sweetest kind of beer?"
Before we get to the delicious red meat, we would like to just take a minute to commend the Ragers on their audacious bracketology. Rarely will people step up to the plate and recognize the scourges of campus. Bravo. Phil and Locke have their brackets filled in, and let us tell you, the #4 seeds are strong this year. Not saying which ones, but you know who you are. The champ is going to be the team that gets hot with their 3 point shooting, and complete inability to have redeemable qualities. Good luck to the contestants! And not to be frat-ist, but Garcia gets a #1 seed? He's not even on the continent. Also, you have to love the buzz this creates on campus, as if the bracket embodies the school's collective opinion.
Speaking of the Trident's online edition…nobody ever comments on any of our articles, or sends us any emails. We have egos, and they need your sweet stroking. So what we've decided to do is give you, THE READER, an opportunity to participate in the creative process. Locke had this cockamamie idea that we should have an article-off with the Raging Intellectuals to determine whose kick-ass writing abilities kick more ass…at writing. Clearly, ours are superior given our wide range of vocabulary when it concerns ass-kicking, or the kicking of asses. Chew on that!
We'll let you relax after that mind-numbing eye-gasm, but not so long as to forget our purpose: we want you to come up with a topic for both us and the Ragers to expound upon in print. You give us the idea, we'll decide the best topic, both teams will write about it, and you will vote on the Grand Weiner, that is, the winner. Feel free to post ideas on the message board, or email any of the 4 of us. Granted, we're going to have to wait for the terrible (sorry, "awesome") people bracket to play out, so that should give you plenty of time to come up with at least one good topic beyond: "What's the sweetest kind of beer?"
Before we get to the delicious red meat, we would like to just take a minute to commend the Ragers on their audacious bracketology. Rarely will people step up to the plate and recognize the scourges of campus. Bravo. Phil and Locke have their brackets filled in, and let us tell you, the #4 seeds are strong this year. Not saying which ones, but you know who you are. The champ is going to be the team that gets hot with their 3 point shooting, and complete inability to have redeemable qualities. Good luck to the contestants! And not to be frat-ist, but Garcia gets a #1 seed? He's not even on the continent. Also, you have to love the buzz this creates on campus, as if the bracket embodies the school's collective opinion.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Pete
posted 3/30/07 @ 12:19 AM EST
I whole-heartedly agree with Locke and the Bear. A relationship without sex hasn't been possible since the fifth grade when holding a girl's hand during recess was considered getting some. (Continued…)
anybody
posted 4/12/07 @ 2:34 PM EST
I hated that brochure too, saw it online. What is wrong with wanting sex and talking in the same relationship? And trust, caring, etc. That is what everyone wants, shouldn't have to choose. (Continued…)
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