2008 Woodie Awards
Don't deny it... deep down, you know it
Buckwheat McIntosh and Shadow Cadillac
Issue date: 3/14/07 Section: Opinion
College can be a daunting place for budding socialites, and there are many mistakes freshmen make when trying to fit the mold. This week, we are going to help you adorable Freshmen Ladies avoid the mistakes that could derail your fledgling social career. Your friends won't warn you of these mistakes because they don't want to hurt your feelings, but more importantly because then they would have nothing to talk about when you're not around. The following archetypes may seem harsh, but we urge you to search your soul and make the changes necessary to become a better woman and really earn that M.R.S. Degree.
1. The Flaws in the Diamond
Listen to how many times any W&L girl mentions her sorority in a three- minute conversation, and you have a remarkably accurate way of not only determining what sorority she's in, but how ugly she is. Knowing all about keys and owls and having the Fleur-de-Lis on your bumper is not enough to make you a flourishing member of the Elite; if you find yourself constantly dropping these incognito cries for S'rat Glory, you are a flaw in the diamond. Take a step back…scratch that. Turn the lights on and take a step towards the mirror. Get on that lettuce and water diet, find something else to talk about and accept that you are one of a handful of girls in every sorority who got a bid under those "extenuating circumstances".
2. The "Is that her ACTUAL smile?" Girl
Some cultures of the world believe that having your picture taken can steal your soul. A W&L case study proves this theory to be true in the Americas, too. We guarantee you know at least one girl whose entire Facebook photo collection is the go-to source for lunchtime trash talking. If you think you may be this girl, observe how other girls smile in pictures and spend some time practicing in the mirror. You're showing way too much bottom teeth, so try aiming for the simple yet classic basic smile, tops over bottoms. Baring your entire grill and penetrating our souls with those axe-murderer eyes is just scaring the s*** outta us. Learn the art of the de-tag; 466 photos is terrifying.
1. The Flaws in the Diamond
Listen to how many times any W&L girl mentions her sorority in a three- minute conversation, and you have a remarkably accurate way of not only determining what sorority she's in, but how ugly she is. Knowing all about keys and owls and having the Fleur-de-Lis on your bumper is not enough to make you a flourishing member of the Elite; if you find yourself constantly dropping these incognito cries for S'rat Glory, you are a flaw in the diamond. Take a step back…scratch that. Turn the lights on and take a step towards the mirror. Get on that lettuce and water diet, find something else to talk about and accept that you are one of a handful of girls in every sorority who got a bid under those "extenuating circumstances".
2. The "Is that her ACTUAL smile?" Girl
Some cultures of the world believe that having your picture taken can steal your soul. A W&L case study proves this theory to be true in the Americas, too. We guarantee you know at least one girl whose entire Facebook photo collection is the go-to source for lunchtime trash talking. If you think you may be this girl, observe how other girls smile in pictures and spend some time practicing in the mirror. You're showing way too much bottom teeth, so try aiming for the simple yet classic basic smile, tops over bottoms. Baring your entire grill and penetrating our souls with those axe-murderer eyes is just scaring the s*** outta us. Learn the art of the de-tag; 466 photos is terrifying.
Viewing Comments 1 - 2 of 2
Alum '04
posted 3/18/07 @ 8:18 PM EST
I find this story appalling. It sounds like the authors of this story are sinister, cynical women who feel isolated from the W&L culture. Perhaps they carry a chip on their shoulders from not getting into the right sorority? If the authors feel so strongly about strengthening the women's community, then why write such a daunting, passive-aggressive article under false names? Such attempts to create insecurity only imply that the authors are, in fact, just jealous that other girls at W&L may be enjoying a dynamic, meaningful experience at which includes having friends. (Continued…)
Buckwheat
posted 3/23/07 @ 3:06 PM EST
Well Shadow, all I can say is Mission:Accomplished.
-Buckwheat
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