2008 Woodie Awards
Locke and the Bear: Glamorama and FD Surprises
Peter Locke and Phil Broderick
Issue date: 3/7/07 Section: Distractions
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OK. We're back, and we're not better than ever. In fact, we're probably mediocre even by our own standards. The lord giveth, and the lord taketh away. This week, he taketh away. And to be honest, it's been a while since he hath giveth. Crossing our fingers for FD, ladies! Advance apologies to our dates.
A foray into the listing style for this week:
1. David Bowie is eminently sweet. That's all there is to it. And if you are too much of a homophobe to see past his glam exterior, you need to grow a pair and make out with a dude. Not necessarily in that order.
2. My Tie improvements: why not expand from My Tie to My Outfit? How long will it be before you get a dress dropped off at the frat house and you have to wear it to Utah where your unsuspecting date will be dressed in baggy khakis and a blue blazer? We've said too much about cross dressing already, but we think this idea has legs…legs that would look good in a little black dress and pumps.
3. Keeping in line with our comments of dubious sexual orientation, we will criticize the décor and wonder what's with the big black ribbons everywhere? We get that it is the 100th FD and everything, but the school looks like Robert E. Lee just died. It's very funeral-ish and depressing. We also get that it is black and white, but would a little color hurt? Maybe some throw pillows? Ok, stop it.
4. Chi Psi late night this past Saturday receives an official Locke and The Bear B+ for never a failure, the effort was there, but it didn't finally cause Gulotta's balls to drop. Phil lost his phone, people were wearing formal clothes (often a detractor in sketchy behavior), and there just seemed to be too little coke around. We know, it was probably everywhere like it always is, but it just didn't have that ski resort feel to it. Not enough bloody noses or something.
5. Speaking of Gulotta's pair: THE FAMOUS GULOTTA II arrives this Friday for the party of the century. If you have never experienced two Gulottas at once, let us explain it to you this way: imagine putting your head in a shoebox filled with stinger-less bees for hours on end. Then hit yourself in the face with a bat and cut your legs off from the knees down to see things from their perspective. Truly an experience.
A foray into the listing style for this week:
1. David Bowie is eminently sweet. That's all there is to it. And if you are too much of a homophobe to see past his glam exterior, you need to grow a pair and make out with a dude. Not necessarily in that order.
2. My Tie improvements: why not expand from My Tie to My Outfit? How long will it be before you get a dress dropped off at the frat house and you have to wear it to Utah where your unsuspecting date will be dressed in baggy khakis and a blue blazer? We've said too much about cross dressing already, but we think this idea has legs…legs that would look good in a little black dress and pumps.
3. Keeping in line with our comments of dubious sexual orientation, we will criticize the décor and wonder what's with the big black ribbons everywhere? We get that it is the 100th FD and everything, but the school looks like Robert E. Lee just died. It's very funeral-ish and depressing. We also get that it is black and white, but would a little color hurt? Maybe some throw pillows? Ok, stop it.
4. Chi Psi late night this past Saturday receives an official Locke and The Bear B+ for never a failure, the effort was there, but it didn't finally cause Gulotta's balls to drop. Phil lost his phone, people were wearing formal clothes (often a detractor in sketchy behavior), and there just seemed to be too little coke around. We know, it was probably everywhere like it always is, but it just didn't have that ski resort feel to it. Not enough bloody noses or something.
5. Speaking of Gulotta's pair: THE FAMOUS GULOTTA II arrives this Friday for the party of the century. If you have never experienced two Gulottas at once, let us explain it to you this way: imagine putting your head in a shoebox filled with stinger-less bees for hours on end. Then hit yourself in the face with a bat and cut your legs off from the knees down to see things from their perspective. Truly an experience.
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