2008 Woodie Awards
Locke and the Bear: Did you pork that boss chick?
Peter Locke and Phil Broderick
Issue date: 1/31/07 Section: Distractions
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Screw you, Dane Cook. Every January, there is a standup comedy countdown on Comedy Central. They take the top 20 standup specials that aired that year and rank them from worst to best. Some of the comedians are well known, but in general the best ones are unknown. For example, Rocky LaPorte, who highlighted how ridiculous some Southern sayings are (e.g. If you're going to put the pigs in the barn, you better put a hat on your turkey, junior.) So we're watching it, waiting for #1, and who comes roaring in? None other than Dane "Your 15 minutes are up, please report to the Not Funny desk" Cook. It was like looking forward to the month of December for Christmas and then getting Kwanzaa instead. Not to be racialistic or anything, but Christmas means presents, and Kwanzaa means community -- you decide. Anyway, Dane Cook blows and he's not a good comic. If you think otherwise, let us be the first to inform you that your opinion is wrong. We bet you like Britney Spears. Oh! Slammed!
Screw you, Domino's Pizza. This Sunday, instead of Chinese food we settled on you, and now we feel terrible. In short, Domino's is like making out with a fat girl…seems like a good idea at 2 AM but always comes up short when the lights are on.
Screw you, Das Klub. Look what you've done. The "fight" that started up on Windfall Hill was probably the only actual fight any of us have ever seen at W&L. Naturally, it was an exercise in moronic behavior. That said, Das Klub is this Wednesday, and it promises to be a good old fashioned European sex fest. We hope you all dress up and show up (even SAE).
On to the red meat.
Language is an ever-evolving being, and it absorbs and digests popular culture over the decades. Like any organism that consumes, language retains some words and poops the rest out. However, sometimes, and staying with the metaphor of language as a living being, good things get pooped out. So we were sifting through some of the…uh…remains, and we found out that lots of good bits of language have died out. And since we wield some marginally suggestive power, we decided we would make a list of good poop for you that should come back from the septic tank. Sorry for the dirty metaphor.
Screw you, Domino's Pizza. This Sunday, instead of Chinese food we settled on you, and now we feel terrible. In short, Domino's is like making out with a fat girl…seems like a good idea at 2 AM but always comes up short when the lights are on.
Screw you, Das Klub. Look what you've done. The "fight" that started up on Windfall Hill was probably the only actual fight any of us have ever seen at W&L. Naturally, it was an exercise in moronic behavior. That said, Das Klub is this Wednesday, and it promises to be a good old fashioned European sex fest. We hope you all dress up and show up (even SAE).
On to the red meat.
Language is an ever-evolving being, and it absorbs and digests popular culture over the decades. Like any organism that consumes, language retains some words and poops the rest out. However, sometimes, and staying with the metaphor of language as a living being, good things get pooped out. So we were sifting through some of the…uh…remains, and we found out that lots of good bits of language have died out. And since we wield some marginally suggestive power, we decided we would make a list of good poop for you that should come back from the septic tank. Sorry for the dirty metaphor.
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